Once upon a time, alleged serial rapists could only hope to darken the TV screen opposite Dateline's Chris Hansen or perhaps on a "Very Special Episode" of Cops.
But now, Turner Classic Movies will follow the example set by the fawning hypocrites of Pittsburgh media by broadcasting a Small Ben Roethlisberger Film Festival this Friday night.
Roethlisberger, who would have been traded to the Chargers if the Rooneys had an ounce of respect for the women of Pittsburgh, will finally get to be one with the Bolts.
It's the role he was born to play. It's like thunder. Lightning. The way he loves you is frightening.
Let's take a look at the lineup:
8 p.m. - The Curse of Roethlisberger - A scientist's attempts to create life unleash a bloodthirsty monster. Ben Roethlisberger, Peter Cushing, Phil Simms.
9:30 p.m. - The Revenge of Roethlisberger - After escaping execution, a mad scientist moves his experiments to a German hospital. Ben Roethlisberger, Peter Cushing, Charles Nelson Reilly.
11:15 p.m. - Roethlisberger Created Woman - Well, it's easier than paying lawyers. Baron Roethlisberger puts a wrongly executed man's brain into a beautiful woman's body. Ben Roethlisberger, Peter Cushing, Cloris Leachman.
1 a.m. - Roethlisberger Must Be Destroyed! - Baron Roethlisberger blackmails a brother and sister into helping him with a brain transplant. Only dashing aristocrat Lord Byron Leftwich can vanquish Roethlisberger. Lord Byron has a strong arm AND realizes "No means no." Ben Roethlisberger, Peter Cushing, Todd Bridges.
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